My room smells like vodka and shame
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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