I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
