Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
