He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
