Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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