it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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