I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
