she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
