Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
