Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
