it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
