I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
