I got chris browned last night
I didn't shave. On purpose
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
