She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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