their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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