I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
