I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Randomize
