im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
