Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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