if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
