The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
