im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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