Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
