Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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