just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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