If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
