I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
