I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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