I think I died a long time ago.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
