Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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