she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
