Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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