Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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