Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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