You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my being single is dangerous.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
