I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
