i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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