The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
