ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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