Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
