I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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