Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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