handjob tips. give me some.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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