Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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