Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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