i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
