god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
