Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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