I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
