i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
