I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
