they need to just BURY HIM!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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