I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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