Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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