shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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