im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
