i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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