guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
