These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
