Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
