we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
