VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
