I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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