totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
