Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
