You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
