I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
organizing the empties. That sober.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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