if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
